I'm completely failing in terms of the whole exercise bit. I just can't get motivated enough, even though I cringe every time I look down at my flabby Buddha Belly. Ugh. WTF is wrong with me? I'm Lazy AND Fat.
- Location:work
- Mood:obese
- Music:office silence
Just had a stuffed cabbage roll (330 cals). I suddenly feel like drinking. I want that nice buzzed feeling. Too bad I'm at work. Will have to wait until I get home.
- Mood:empty
- Mood:
frustrated
After work yesterday I met up with my parents and we went out for sushi (yummm), then headed to the airport to pick up my brother LauUr, whom I haven't seen in 2 1/2 months(!). It was so nice to see the little bugger again ^_^ Anyhoo, he had a blast backpacking through Asia and already wants to do India next. This from a guy who had never been on a plane before until 2.5 months ago. Niceness.
I'm lonely but people irritate the f- out of me. What to do...
I've already decided what to get everyone for Christmas/ December birthdays, except for LauUr. Three of the gifts require knitting so am going to the wool store tomorrow so can start asap. That should keep me busy from now up to Christmas! Am not going to stress about lack of social life as will be knitting like a madwoman for the next while.
caprese salad (217)
1/6 tortiere (259)
1 bottle white wine (604)(yup, the whole bottle)
1 C mashed potato (210)
Total Calories Consumed = 1290 > 1200 =(
I just walked over 3km to the gym, only to find out they closed early today. UGH!!!
Weight = 158.5lbs
No gym since the last time I wrote in here. Wtf is wrong with me?!? It's as though I've hit Physical Self-Destruct Mode. UGHHH!!! I should take a photo of my flabby ass and le gut and paste them all around the house...omg, if I did that David would think that I've finally lost it and call the men in white hahaa!
Am sitting at 901 calories so far...
- Location:work
- Mood:FAT
- Music:office silence
I've been asked to stay longer with the assignment I'm currently doing. This is great as the people are much nicer here and I actually have work to do, as opposed to being bored out of my mind at my regular job and trying to find things to do.
I recieved a text msg from Kenneth a few hours ago saying that he had landed safely in Dubai, and I realized that I had nothing interesting to say so haven't responded back to him. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I've become a Boring Person. I don't do anything but go to work, obsess about my weight and food 24/7, watch anime, and every now and then exchange text msgs with Sarah. Wtf happended? When did I get so dull and uninteresting? I feel so unmotivated about everything :C
On another note...I've decided to put myself on a budget as I need to start saving money as I have absolutely NO savings = I live paycheck to paycheck and that's sheer stupidity. I'm giving myself an allowance of $150/week and everything (food, transit, clothing, makeup, entertainment, etc.) has to come out of that. Time to be Frugal! The only exceptions are medication, rent, and my cellphone bill. So tonight I'm taking out $450 for the rest of this month and I'm going to store my debit card away at home. Thank god I don't have any credit cards.
There are 50 days before the trip. My super flat ass and Le Gut says I have to do something about this before I can go bathing suit shopping with confidence. Unfortunately I can't starve my way through this. I actually have to exercise. I hate doing squats and crunches....BUT...I hate my flabbiness even more. I refuse to spend my vacation hiding in a big t-shirt.
Let's see what I can do in 50 days. I definitely have the time. Aside from work, I don't really do anything nor have a social life. I just have to get past my self-destructive laziness.
- Location:work
- Mood:fat and flabby
- Music:office silence
Weight = 161.5lbs great. I'm getting heavier and heavier gah
I'm so tired. I couldn't fall asleep until 2 in the morning. From now on I'm going to regulate my sleep through sleeping pills. I don't care how that sounds but I'm sick and tired of "wasting" my time trying to sleep.
No gym tonight, even though I lugged my gymbag to work and everything. I'm going to do some much needed laundry instead. God, my life is so sexy sometimes. But I will do the ab routine tonight.
Foodwise, I ate like a pregnant lady about to have triplets. My basal metabolic rate is 1514 cals and I've already gone over that, let alone meeting my goal of 1200. No more eating for the rest of the day.
EATS:
- 1 egg McMuffin (290) I really have to stay away from this shit
- 1 lowfat blueberry bran muffin (136)
- 8 pc. sushi (289)
- 1 apple (72)
- 1 cabbage roll (330)
- 218g macaroni and cheese (443) why why why?!?!
- Mood:fat and tired
- 1 egg McMuffin (290) and it's downhill from here on ugh
- 12" turkey sub (560)
- 1 slice of veggie quiche (426)
EXERCISE:
- 20 min. elliptical (297) must do longer as this is mondo pathetico
- full body weights
- ab routine
Walked home from the gym even though it was drizzling outside, so that took about 40 minutes walking briskly. I picked up groceries so will start making my own lunches. Unfortunately that means waking up earlier if I want to use my thermos bento. It's going to be worth it when I'm in Costa Rica next month oh yes indeedie.
- Mood:
tired
- 8pc sushi (289)
- 12" turkey sub (560)
- 1 serving All-Bran snack bites (100)
EXERCISE:
- 35 min. elliptical (459)
- ab routine = 100 various crunches
It was so hard dragging my ass to the gym. Even as I was putting on my shoes at the door I was making up all these excuses not to go (cold weather, so dark outside, blah blah) but I got out the door and almost instantly I noticed 2 guys who obviously were on their way/from the gym, and walking along the way I saw a bunch of ppl with gym bags and runners on. Then I realized...the secret to being Fit&Thin is to workout regularly, no matter what. It could be storming outside and these ppl would still make it to the gym. That's when I realized that having a flat stomach isn't going to just magically happen. I have to work at it. Fucking hell. Sigh. Time to get serious or be humilitaed in a bathing suit at NY's. That's pretty much what it boils down to, and I am willing to do anything to prevent the latter from happening. Grrrr.
- Location:living room
- Mood:fat but determined
- Music:Knock 'em out by Lily Allen
So far I've only had 2 coffees, which I know isn't that great for you as you're supposed to eat breakfast blah blah blah. But seeing 161 on the scale this morning has pretty much killed my appetitie. I have my gymbag with me so after work this Fatty is hitting the gym. If I stayed this size but was super toned I would be happy. But I'm not. I see a lot of cardio and crunches in my near future :P
We're either going to Thailand or Costa Rica for New Year's, and a part of me wants to be able to wear a bikini = no Buddha belly allowed. I know that I'm kinda leaving this to the last minute, but if I work REALLY HARD for the next two months I think I may pull it off. Wish me luck!
1:55 p.m.:
coffee = 3
food = 8pc sushi
- Location:work
- Mood:fat and desperate
- Music:office silence
I wanted to post a self-pic, but when I saw myself in the photos...it was too horrible. Even though I am technically a size 42 (which I know isn't super obese) I looked awful. I now look like one of those people that look alright but you just know that with a weight loss of 20-30lbs they could be pretty attractive. I'm not saying that I could look like one of the Beautiful People, but if I lost more weight I would definitely look better i.e. no double chins going on when I smile, face less bulgy and huge.
Sigh.
I don't know why I'm so hung up on how I look. Vanity? Self-esteem issues? Body image issues? Probably a combination of all three but bottom line is that I don't feel as though my outward appearance matches with the image I have in my head on how I want to look. Time to get serious!
No exercise or even work today. I had a fruit salad for breakfast today with my dad, and within minutes both of us was running to the bathroom. Apparently you can get food poisoning from fruit.
- Location:bedroom
- Mood:fat
Dress size = 42 Eur
The one thing that I have learned so far is Portion Control. Eat whatever you want, just make sure you're having only a couple of cookies instead of the whole bag. Oh yeah, and this includes alcohol.
I love my best friend, but the way he eats absolutely disgusts me. He grunts and wheezes and makes all these pig sounds when he's eating, and the quantities that he eats is insane (a bag of cookies, steaks bigger than the plate, 1/2 chicken, 2L of milk a DAY, etc.). No wonder he's 300lbs. And I know that I'm not skinny myself so I really shouldn't be saying any of this but holy fuck, listening to him eat makes me want to barf. I find that I eat the least, if at all, whenever I'm around him, which I guess is good?
Am at work writing this so can't post any pictures up, which sucks. Oh well, it's Friday tra la la...
Today has been great so far. Slept in, to the point where Kenneth asked if I wanted to call in sick today (he arrived Wednesday for a visit). I said no, and finally got up at 8:45 (god, I am so lazy). He had coffee ready to go in a travel mug for me which was so sweet :) Drove me to work, and while I was technically an hour late, turns out my boss decided to take today off so haha!
It's weird. I'm so used to Kenneth being away that this sudden "playing house" almost 24/7 feels a bit strange. It's not that I don't enjoy his company (he would be my first pick of whom I would want to be stuck in an elevator with) but I'm worried that we'll run out of things to say to one another. But then again, when he's away we end up talking on the phone for at least an hour everyday. Maybe I shouldn't worry and should just enjoy our time together. Yeah, that's definitely a better approach.
- Location:work
- Mood:
good - Music:office silence
Le Gut = 37.25" (why went up?)
It's Saturday night, and I can't wait to take my meds and call it a day. I need to make new friends, ones who can have a good time without alcohol. Seriously, I find sitting around (whether it's in the house or outside on a patio) and drinking to be super boring.
Weight = 163.5lbs
Le Gut = 37.25"
As I was weighing and measuring myself this morning, I felt a little down because it seemed as though 150lbs (my absolute desired maximum weight - I would love to be 120lbs) seemed so far away. Then I started going through my old posts, and I realized that on June 1st, I weighed 184lbs and Le Gut was 41.75".
Which means that in the last two months, I have managed to lose 20.5lbs and 4.5" off the Food Baby. Let's just say that it made me feel a lot better and helped me put things into perspective. And definitely a huge chunk of motivation to keep on going.
I want to be Fit&Thin so bad. I know that this is going to sound quite shallow, but my appearance (or to be honest, my size) plays a big part in how I feel about myself and it affects my social life and my self-esteem. Even now I hate having my picture taken, let alone going to parties and being the Fat Chick. I just HATE my Buddha Tire. I also know that with enough determination and willpower, I CAN and I WILL get rid of the Food Baby *grrrr* lol.
Stay strong!
- Location:work
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:office silence
Le Gut = 37"
Nice. Both numbers are down. Now to keep this up!
As a little reward for myself (and to feed my obsession), some Fan Bing Bing goodness :-)
( Thinspiration )
- Mood:
determined
Le Gut = 37.75"
To celebrate my drop in weight and inches, I shoved two eclairs and one pudding cup down my throat. What is wrong with me?!?
Le Gut = 38" about time for this Food Baby to go!!
My clothes are fitting better, I'm eating less. The only problem is that I haven't gone to the gym in sooo long :-( I need someone to haul my fat ass there.
- Mood:
accomplished
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